reflections and rambles

there have been (and always are i guess) some uncertainties and other frustrations lately. but yesterday, i thought, self, you have a lot to be thankful for.

so i’m thankful for (in no particular order and not exhaustive):

*health to be able to live the active life i love to lead

*an able mind

*wonderful friends who bring joy to my life

*a recent someone who i appreciate so much

*opportunities to be stressed about

*money to manage, even if it’s such small amounts, i’m learning to budget at least

*a savior who is guiding me when it’s challenging and when life is smooth and when i feel so inadequate

…and i could go on.

nichole nordeman has this terrific song called ‘gratitude’ it talks about being thankful no matter the circumstance. we ask for a roof over our head, and we trust God will provide. but even if he doesn’t we still give thanks. we get a better view of the stars if a roof isn’t over our heads. i honestly don’t think i demonstrate that much faith if i were in a literal situation like that, but it’s the principle.

my prayer is that i never get so caught up in me and my problems that i fail to see the big picture. or that there are many more with problems that make mine pale in comparison.

i was on an assignment recently i wasn’t thrilled about. i was sent to a ’shooting’ about 40 min away about 5 min before my shift was finished. the scene was even cleared by the time i got there, but on the way i thought, ‘you know, it’s so cliche but i can be bitter or i can be better.’

so i decided to be thankful. for nice weather that evening. i was able to watch the sunset. video looks the best at that hour anyway. it wasn’t cold outside, at least i had cruise control, it wasn’t my gas money, etc. i still didn’t want to be there but it became so much more pleasant.

i guess the bottom line is when our attitudes are different no matter the circumstance…in fact, especially in the hardest ones, is when we grow the most and it makes the biggest difference on our outlook too.

see, there i go sounding cheesy again.  oh well…

the weather is absolutely incredible outside!  80 degrees, sunny, slight breeze.  just perfect.

i ran a couple laps at the main park here, then walked 2 more just because it’s so nice out! then i ate lunch on my balcony and read a magazine, just enjoying being outside. i’ve been in a new apartment since december and now i’m really reaping the benefits of having lots of windows and the balcony! it seems like such silly things, but i really like sunshine, there’s a creek of some sort with lots of trees so it makes for nice scenery.

the past couple of years since college, it seems like inadvertently i’ve started on some type of self-help when the seasons change. last year it was cleaning. seems trivial, but i’ve never been a neat freak. not a slob, but have always had my fair share of clutter. i literally bought a book on housecleaning and it’s great! still not a neat freak, but things are a little more under control.

this spring it seems like i’m trying to cook. do we see a pattern here??? i’m usually outside, shopping, reading, or spending time with people than doing particularly domestic things. well, cooking for oneself is usually cheaper and healthier than eating out all the time, and it’s embarrassing not knowing the basics.

plus, my mom and sister are REALLY good cooks so they’ve been in the kitchen while i’ve usually watched the game on tv with my dad. so bad right?!

so far it’s the basics. omelets. stir fry. different varieties of salads and pastas. sometimes combined! rice, chicken, and combinations of it. i really like polenta and hummus (not combined!). other stuff, but again VERY basic. my hope is i’ll have a foundation of some sort and be able to build slowly on it.

i think the bottom line is, it’s so important to try and improve oneself in some new way. i certainly have more things to work on than just cooking and cleaning but it’s a start!

today i spotted green tea ice cream at kroger!! woo hoo!!!

simple pleasures people.

so today (or yesterday i can’t really remember) a friend i worked with asked me if everything was ok.  he said i seemed “po’ed” this week.  i shrugged it off, saying, “oh really?!  no i’m fine…”

seriously i thought i was. monday was kind of rough and there were some tough spots yesterday, but no more than usual.

but then i was watching my story from today, and i do look kinda po’ed! it’s true! this has happened to me before. without realizing it, i look like i’m glaring at the camera. no one wants to watch a glarer!

so it makes me wonder. what am i upset about? my heart has indeed felt heavy the past few days.

we worked a terrible fatal accident on monday. a local elementary school principal was killed in the wreck, her 7-yr-old grandson injured and in the hospital. he’s stable now, but still. then an acquaintance of mine (g-he was at the st. patty’s day parade, the guy who was talking to us for a long time in the back of the crowd) was in a bad accident last weekend and is in icu with potential brain damage.

stuff like that. these things usually don’t bother me too much, but for some reason it’s taken a bit of a toll. i’ve even been running a lot this week which usually helps, but i guess these things are weighing on me.

there’s a friend who lives far away i’ve been trying to see too and it’s been tough meeting up.

all that to say, i’m really not down in the dumps! i do have a 3 day weekend, so i think it will help. clear the mind a little.

it sounds so whiney complain-y! but if you know me, you know i’m usually pretty easy going, genuinely relaxed and happy.

one more note: i’ve been buying jon foreman’s eps on each of the seasons. spring just came out…it’s really good! there’s a song called ‘your love is strong.’ it’s kind of like the lord’s prayer set to song. sort of. so even in this odd-state of a week, that song has really spoken to me! go check it out.

so about 2 years ago or so, i was ready for a change.  had a good job, nice life, but was looking for something different.  i felt like i was waiting for life to happen instead of actually experiencing it.

so i was looking at different options, seriously considering moving to la or new york.

i moved to sherman instead.

it definitely turned out to be the best thing, i don’t regret it at all. it’s just about the opposite scenario of the other two.

what’s cool though is in this time i’ve met some really interesting people. interesting in the ‘awkward hello’ kind of way, but also some who i hope to continue friendship with for a long time.

one friend grew up in the country…like waaaay country. with cattle, mountains, and stuff like that. he lived in a bigger city for a while, but just decided he likes country life more. it’s quieter, closer community, etc.

so of course in talking to him i’ve had to ask myself if i could do that. my initial reaction was NO WAY!! awful. especially since when i think about it, why do i like living in a big city? the shopping. restaurants. i went to a huge college in a big city. i’ve gone to big churches.

but is big really better? one place is better because it has a target??? a chipotle? screens in the worship center? i mean come on. it seems so shallow.

now i’m not saying, “country life here i come!” or that bigger cities are bad. of course not. it’s just that i think i’ve been somehow programmed to think bigger is better. everything’s bigger in texas, etc.

i guess the bottom line is i realized i had a preconceived notion in place that i think is getting shattered.

and that’s really what experiencing life is all about.