reflections and rambles

so on saturday i did one of the hardest things of my short life so far. i ran the cowtown half marathon! 13.1 miles of pure pain. actually, the first 5 weren’t so bad but the last eight or so…ugh.

each step was tougher and tougher. my wind capacity was fine, but my muscles just started to get really tired. now considering i only decided to run the thing a week before, it was great! such accomplishment and next time i’ll train a little more so hopefully i won’t be so sore!

but thinking about it i started to get philosophical. of course. so the entire time i was thinking of the goal, pushing through a lot of pain to cross that finish line. and considering i ran for 2+ hours, that’s a lot of time to think.

seems obvious, but it seems like the most valuable things in life are the things you worked hardest for. i know, i know, we don’t “work” for salvation. and it’s clearly valuable. but we do work out our salvation. and it’s a lot of work! not to sound like a martyr, but oftentimes it takes a lot of sacrifice…and there are definitely people who have sacrificed more than me for their faith, but there’s sacrifice nonetheless.

friendships…the best ones takes work. loving a person even when they fail you. staying in contact and keeping up with their successes and hurts. i know my parents marriage certainly has taken a lot of work, but they wouldn’t trade it for anything. and it’s so inspiring to see after all these years.

whatever it is. it seems hard and almost flippant to say, “wow this is hard but it’ll be more valuable in the future!” because it’s certainly incredibly difficult at the time.

but each step…even filled with pain…is a step forward. it’s bringing you closer to that goal. many times that goal isn’t even visible or tangible at the time. you’ll probably be sore afterwards, but to look back after finishing is an incredible feeling.

so writing this out it seems kind of cheesy. but that’s what running for so freakin’ long does to a person.

so i read this article today about adoption that was in D Magazine back in 2004. It’s the story of a girl giving up her child for adoption through her father’s eyes.  I read their frontburner blog almost daily and you really, have to read the article.  it brought tears to my eyes.  there’s an update to the story in the actual frontburner today.  check it out.

adoption is such a cool thing. even if it’s getting glamorized with celebrities doing it and movies like juno, etc. i told someone i would like to someday adopt and they literally said, “that’s very angelina jolie of you.” sorry, but it’s been on my mind waaaay before maddox or whatever his name is came home. not that it matters i guess.

i’ve been doing some soul searching the past few weeks. really hashing things out in my mind. why i believe what i believe, where things are headed, etc. i just finished reading rob bell’s book sexgod. i started it a long time ago, but finally picked it back up. it really was what i needed to hear.

He writes, What is it you’ve given your life to?

Life is not about toning down and repressing your God-given life force. It’s about channeling it and focusing it and turning it loose on something beautiful, something pure, and true and good, something that connects you with God, with others, with the world.

What do you want more?

How can you make your life about that so that you won’t be tempted to give in to this?

There’s some other stuff in there that really spoke to me. I guess it goes back to being patient and trusting for the best. So many people are truly searching for true connection. I certainly want it. But I think a lot of people are searching for it, but terrified of actually opening up and being vulnerable with another person. In our culture it seems easier to be physically naked than emotionally or spiritually. He talks about that kind of stuff too.

ok so here are five random things about me, and five places i’d like to go:

1. i go on this crazy ‘pre-emptive strike,’ i call it, whenever i think i’m getting sick. vitamin c, more water, zinc lozenges, hot tea, extra steam in the shower, lysol on my workspace. it’s to the point where last week i thought i was coming down with the flu, i felt AWFUL and had to leave work early, slept for 14 hours and slept off the flu! nuts.

2. i get really into stupid reality shows like the hills, top chef, project runway, and pretty much all the other silly reality shows on bravo. why do i care? i have no idea.

3. i’m very indecisive. i’m horrible at choosing where to eat when i’m with people! when it’s good vs. good decisions it’s the toughest.

4. i’m absentminded too…i’ll drive from sherman to colleyville only to realize i left my wallet an hour and a half away. (sadly it’s happened more than once!) i wonder where my pen is…it’s in my hand. that kind of stuff.

5. i absolutely love the sun and the beach! the ocean any time of year is so calming. sunshine always makes me happy too. i think living in a dreary climate would be hard for me.

five places!

1. california

2. italy

3. africa

4. nashville

5. new york city

6. japan 

so the past few weeks have been kinda rough just with different things, but this weekend was SO NICE.  

i went home at the last minute on friday…and my dad happened to be taking a vacation day, and my mom working so he says to me, “I’m off! You’re off!”  Now my dad is the ultimate rideculer of chick-flicks. he always says, “is that the one with hugh grant?” every time i say i saw a movie that even sounds chick-flick-ish.

but on friday we went to lunch then HE suggested seeing a movie…definitely, maybe  b/cs the star-telegram gave it a good review.

i was shocked! but we had a good time and he says he actually enjoyed if, even though “he thought hugh grant should have had the lead role.”

gotta love it!

so thankfully even though i was pretty beatdown by thursday, it’s such a blessing to have home so close by.

and… i have been officially “tagged” by ginger  so that’s coming soon.  

my wonderful dad!

so as a member of the nebulous “media” let me rant a little here:

 I’ve had a few incidents just in the short time I’ve been a journalist where Christians (or people claiming the name at least), ministers included, have called the station, or we’ve done interviews with them etc.   not happy about a story we’ve done.  Or they are trying to “show off” about something.  Or they’re trying to say something but in so many words it comes across as arrogant, as “God’s word to bring to you.”  

Now I’m a Christian.  And I’ve interviewed some WONDERFUL people of faith in several stories.  I’ve gone inside multiple churches and met incredible, godly people.  Honestly, I try to make a point in doing that.

And I know everyone is human.  But to me it just seems like they way a person reacts when they’re not happy about something shows most about a person’s character.  I know people say “I can’t believe ‘the media’” “How dare they ask that,” “they hate God and Christians and George Bush” etc. etc.  And I’m not saying news coverage is always perfect.  This isn’t a post about bias…that’s a different topic.

But you never know who you’re talking to on the other end.  They’re a person on a spiritual journey.  When I hear my colleagues receive a nasty phone call from a “Christian”, I WISH I had taken the call.  When someone has been rude to me or really pompous, I’ve wanted to pull them aside and say, “Look.  You should be glad I’m a Christian.  Because you really would have turned me off to your faith.”  

They will know we are Christians by our love. 

so i rented a few movies this weekend, one was once. it’s an Irish movie about this singer songwriter guy, singing on the streets, etc.  meets a girl who enjoys the music, she’s a musician too and it’s the once in a lifetime chance to write and play together. sounds kind of sappy, i admit, but the guy is Glen Hansard, the lead singer of an Irish band called The Frames and the writer/director of the movie was in the band with him.  Glen and the girl, Marketa Irglova wrote the songs for the movie.  It’s just so passionate.  Not like a Hillary Duff movie or something when it’s a big name who is nervous but (surprise!) starts to sing well. Somewhere I read it was the best movie of last year that no one saw, now it’s on DVD.  The music is beautiful!!  

so for various reasons i didn’t have cable/internet hooked up at my apartment for two whole months!!  (a long story)until today.so i have a blog that i wrote a while ago and didn’t publish…so here it is.** 

Why I am a Christian:

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community.  I could go on.

What happens when we live God’s way?  He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—

Things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity.  We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.  We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Galatians 5:22ish The Message

**

Of course, that’s the fruit of the Spirit passage, but I had never read it in The Message until a few weeks ago.  Not trying to lead a devotional here, but here’s the thing.  I’d like to say that my motives for being a Christian is totally pure.  It’s out of full, love for Christ and no matter what I would love Him.  Well… that’s partly true, but honestly, I’ve stuck with it because I see all of those things in the top section all around me.  Can think of some very concrete examples of late.  It’s sad and exhausting.

And truthfully, sometimes it does seem just easier to go with the flow.  But seeing the by-product of faith, the intangible characteristics it brings to my life, the choice is simple.  Incredible motivation to actually LIVE for God.

I guess it’s an instant vs. delayed gratification issue.  Sometimes I get discouraged when I’m sowing and sowing but not reaping, losing sight of the bigger picture, than oftentimes I can’t even see.  But those characteristics really are instant gratification.  Peace.  you just can’t replace or replicate it.  It’s there when I least expect it.

Sorry if it’s preachy.  It’s not meant that way.   

so it’s super tuesday.  even though it doesn’t affect texas, the polls are open in oklahoma and we’re in full election mode.

 in honor of today…here’s a silly fun match-game, a little simplified to see how your ideologies match up with the candidates.

mine came back as: 1. fred thompson 2. john edwards 3. hillary clinton 

http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/candidate-match-game.htm

 enjoy!